


Family Is

by roguefaerie (samidha)



Series: Reconcilliation (Reaper Jessica Moore) [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: And Keeps Away from John, Azazel (Supernatural)'s Special Children, But Is Barely In This Part, Dead Jessica Moore, Dean is Having All The Feelings, Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Families of Choice, Family, Family Bonding, Family Dynamics, Family Feels, Grief/Mourning, In Which Dean Untangles His Idea of Family, Jess is Good at Her Job, Jessica Doesn't Live But Is Super Involved, Jessica Has a Role, John Winchester Lives, Mediums, Mind Meld, Minor S13 spoilers, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Jessica Moore, Platonic Soulmates, Psychic Bond, Reaper Jessica Moore, Reaper Politics, S13 Compliant in weird ways, Samhain, Samhain 2017, Season/Series 02, Seeking Emotional Balance, Slow Burn, Soul Bond, Spirit Guide Jessica Moore, Spirit Guides, Tags May Change, Team as Family, The Colt (Supernatural), There is Other Shippinesss If You Want It To Be There Go Ahead and Squint, This Universe Is Giving Me an Emotional Hangover, Work In Progress, mediumship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-01-20 21:26:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 7,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12442152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samidha/pseuds/roguefaerie
Summary: What exactly are the boys going to do about not just being hunters, but being mediums?Continuation of Definition of Hearts. Jessica's POV of being bonded to the boys and what she does as their personal reaper/spirit guide.The plan:(Book 1: Definition of Hearts: Sam POV - S1Book 2: Family Is: Jess POV - S2 - completeBook 3: How Hard It Rains: Dean POV - S3  - completeBook 4: Holding the Moon in Their Hands Sam POV - S4  (In progress)  - S4Timeline is loose as always with my writing. Minimal cases, all the family feels)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Book 2 of Reconciliation, book 1 is Definition of Hearts. This piece of Jess POV.
> 
> Soundtrack for the whole 'verse, mostly book 1 but I'm still using it: https://open.spotify.com/user/121274586/playlist/2RnGkJ9Jwa78Ys84Wcf9OV

Family is the food at the table scrounged up out of quarters. It’s turning a car for where you know someone is right before the feeling that disaster is about to strike. It’s being there after the disaster, no matter what shape anyone is in. 

Family is the people who are there in the aftermath. The people who shade you from the worst of it just with their presence, wherever they are. And family stays family. It doesn’t matter where they go--across the country to find themselves or across the veil to fill the roles they have now.

Sam and Dean can feel the car thrumming under them, and she’s family too. Dean’s Baby has been with them so long now, they could just live inside of her most of the time. They take breaks. They share rooms, and sleep in beds, and sometimes they share the bed, especially now. This has been a close call, and if they have their own Reaper, which Jess seems to be, there will be more of them.

But they’re prepared. They’ve felt love and loss before, for blood family they’ve come to realize they hardly knew, for each other, for Jess.

The three of them remain tied together. Jess is there, a gentle presence who is quietly watching.

She hadn’t known what would happen to her, not really, but she had known that a new sense of beingness was coming, a new sense of family, a new family entirely. This was not the end. There was no end, not really.

Maybe it hadn’t been something that she planned consciously, but the boys were something to treasure all the same. They were a family. A family who could not be stopped by death. A family who helped every person they came across. And in undeath, she would protect them at every cost.

She and Sam gently smooth the jagged edges of the bond between the three of them. They work together and nothing has to be said--they are doing it easily, seamlessly, and she remembers that Sam has been learning to tamp down his powers since his first headaches, on his own, _the freak_ (and those words sting her, or they would sting her mortal self), give her pause.

The two of them gently pull the jagged edges of the power away from Dean, keeping things balanced and on an even keel.

She floats gently in the ether and mends and patches pieces of information so that when they reach the bond they do not jar the brothers as they drive.

Dean is slowly starting to calm down about the whole thing. It will be a process, but with the two of them holding him up he is working in his own way on his fear--of himself in his new life.

“It ebbs and flows, just like you said, Sammy,” Dean says one day soon after the worst of the headaches and over-brightness ease.

Sam smiles, and it is all light in the car and if she were alive the expression _weak in the knees_ would apply to her. She loves him so much and she won’t squander this second chance to be with him, to be his family.

“That’s great, Dean,” he says, “That’s how we want it to work.”

“Yeah, Sammy. Thanks, man.”

“You’re welcome. Dean…”

“Yeah?”

“I think I had help.”

It’s Dean’s turn to smile. “Bet you did, Sasquatch. Bet you did.”

*~*~*

She knows that sometimes Sam can see her out of the corner of his eye, or it’s just a haze that bears her name. She can create a gentle fog that rises to meet him and say hello. Sometimes he allows himself to be enveloped without much pain, and other times he cries to let the emotions out.

She knows he is aware of her presence pretty much all of the time, and so is Dean.

And yeah, sometimes they’re a little distracted from things like _find Jessica’s killer_ and definitely the nonsense about _find Dad_ because if there’s one thing they’re all starting to agree on, it’s that abuse is abuse. Dean hasn’t turned on the phone John Winchester has access to in three weeks. When he thinks about it, Jess and Sam feel it before he can go through with something that he would regret.

They are building a family--sure, in a weird, Winchester way, but she loves it. It’s the way that they all can and she wouldn’t change a thing.


	2. Chapter 2

Jess spends as much time with Sam and Dean as she can. There’s bureaucracy to be dealt with when anyone’s attached to the Winchesters, though. There are people who ask questions. Those who are committed heavily to the “natural order of things,” and don’t care that much that more or less the Winchesters are priceless.

There’s a Reaper named Tessa who knows that Dean was supposed to come to her one day. Billie stands near Tessa and Jess in meetings and trainings, looking like she’s about to bust in two when the Winchesters come up.

But Jess just knows she was given her assignment, and she’s glad she was. The less she thinks about the other Reapers, the happier she is. She knows this was meant to be, for whatever reason that she can’t really know, though she understands a lot more of how the world works than she did.

She understands Sam--and she’s getting even better at that every single day. And Dean, well, he’s a little bit transparent, but the anger that covers over everything does pose a challenge.

The truth is the boys are never alone. Not anymore. So even Dean is starting to calm down. Here he is and he has Sam. He has Sam. And Sam...if he thinks about it...has what he needs too.

 _Jess_ , he whispers in his mind one night, _You never really went anywhere. How did we--how did I--get so lucky?_

 _Sometimes, when this is the easiest way--it just happens this way, Sam_.

 _I think I understand_ he says. _But, Jess_.

She smiles a little, though he can’t see it. Maybe he can feel it. She brushes close to him, so that he shivers at the feeling of static electricity. _Babe, if I was there, you would always be protecting me. It would be your main job. Try something for me, Sam_ , she says, careful not to change his name from the one she knew in life, although there were times he forgot to answer to it. _Just...take a little help_.

 _Is this...one of those things where you say,_ you’re gonna need it?

She laughs a little. _Maybe. I’ll try not to._ Neither of them add that he is a Winchester, after all, though they know it’s hanging in the air. Slowly, they are getting better at not leaving things unsaid, but there’s such a thing as salt in a wound. 

_Listen_ , she says, _this is just the way things are, Sam, and I wouldn’t change it, would you?_

_Well, Jess, I mean…_

Then she feels it, through the bond, through her knowing, that this is too much. 

He breaks open again and she understands she pushed too far in that moment. It seems clear then that this was the wrong question--but then what was the right one?


	3. Chapter 3

Jess was there. She was there, as much as she could be, she was. Perhaps ironically, or maybe not at all, she had to spend a good deal of time with Dean. His learning curve was still pretty steep.

 _How much of this is my fault_ , he would ask, or _How do I protect Sam?_

If he got too much psychic energy at once and was overwhelmed the question changed. _How do I protect Sam--how do I protect the world--from me?_

 _Dean, it isn’t like that_ , she would say as gently as she could.

 

Sometimes he believed her and would calm down a few notches, but like Sam sometimes it hit a few buttons.

Dean usually doesn’t want to be touched, so she usually steps back, further out of his energy than she would with Sam instead of getting closer. It is delicate work, figuring out how to help Dean, or both of them for that matter. The truth is she knows things they don’t know, but she isn’t perfect at delivery, yet, or anticipating how the information will interact with their grief and other pain. Those are things she doesn’t really feel anymore.

One day Dean is especially quiet, even as he asks her, _Jess, do you miss your family?_

She blinks at him. Then she does her best to make herself visible and she is pretty sure he’s tracking more or less where she is. _Sort-of-not-really,_ she tries to convey as a block of thought, a little bit confused as to how she feels, herself. _You both are my family now,_ she says. _That is...if you want to be my family, Dean._

He blinks at her, or maybe in her general direction. Then he smiles, putting all thousand watts into it like he knows how to do. _Of course, Jess. I thought you knew that. You feel like home._

This isn’t the first time he’s said that--used those very words. But--

He leans gently back a little bit, so that more of her energy shifts to encircle him.

If she could breathe, she would be holding her breath right now, maybe without knowing.

She doesn’t mind feeling like home to them. She doesn’t mind at all.

She could flood him with things she knows. The reasons it might be that way that have nothing to do with her. And maybe, being so close to her, he knows those things already. Maybe he does.

But she won’t push any of it. She’ll just let it be.

 _Thank you, Dean_ , she says softly.

He nods a little, _Welcome_. And he closes his eyes and soon enough he’s asleep.

*~*~*

Usually when Sam and Dean are having one of their heart to hearts, she backs off. But sometimes...sometimes something sneaks up on all of them.

“I have no idea what’s going on with Dad right now,” Dean says one day, aiming his words at Sam, but he hasn’t tried to push Jess out of the conversation.

Sam and Jess work together seamlessly, creating a bit of cushion again like they did at the very beginning. They cradle him. Neither of them speaks to the other--they just know how to do it.

Then and only then, Sam pipes up. “Is that a problem?” he says simply.

“No,” Dean says. “No. I don’t know.”

Sam nods. “Okay,” he says gently.

“It’s just, Sam...why?”

There’s a long silence that they don’t fill.

Words would never be enough. They don’t mean enough when it comes to Dean anyway.

Sam reaches out and gets an arm around him. 

“I…” Dean starts to say, and then just deflates a little. He stares out over the road.

“I get it,” Sam whispers. He gently taps at the door, so to speak, on his bond with Dean. There’s some give that means he’s welcome. He tries to gently lift away what he can of the lingering effects of Dean’s pain, slip them from Dean’s energy field, give him some room.

And that’s when Dean’s tears come.

Sam and Jess are ready.


	4. Chapter 4

At the next meeting as to the fate of Sam and Dean, Dean is the primary focus. Billie is still angry, and Tessa is hugging the wall, not exactly deflated but her face distinctly says _I’m not going near this_.

Jess is not going to complain about that.

There’s an energetic presence hovering nearby, nearer the ceiling. He’s a splash of white--pure white.

There is no gender, but Jessica knows that if he were to choose a vessel it would be male.

“Do your best,” the white slash in the air is conveying, spreading out over the ceiling and contracting again when he is done speaking. “In the best of all worlds, Dean will have no reason to know he has an angel,” he says. “Sam, the same. Take good care of them. It is best that we angels maintain non-involvement. Don’t forget this. Only…” he lowers his astral voice, “Let him know that he is loved.”

Jessica smiles. There is nothing hard about doing that.

*~*~*

They get a call from Bobby Singer. John Winchester is wandering aimlessly. The words, _drunken rage_ and _confused ain’t the word for it_ are used.

Jess floods the bond with as much love as she can.

Dean still holds the phone tight enough that his knuckles go white. “Bobby, I can’t, and I won’t, deal with him. Not yet.”

Bobby is surprised, but hardly unpleased. “You got it, Dean.”

“I don’t have anything to say to him. So don’t-- don’t--”

“Did somethin’ happen, Dean?”

“I mean, Bobby, I...me and Sam....”

“You two all right?”

Dean smiles. “Yeah. We’re all right. We are. Sam says hi, Bobby. Just...I’ll deal with it. Just not yet.”

“So let him stew,” Bobby says.

“S’what he always does,” Dean says.

“I’ll buy him a couple more beers if he comes through town again,” Bobby says wryly.

“What else are you gonna do?”

Bobby is chuckling as the conversation ends.

*~*~*

It takes a while for Jessica to realize something’s different about Sam. About Sam’s--

He’s wearing the--

Wearing the ring.

Her heart fills even more. She floods the bond with so much love that it hits both of them hard.

 _Thank you_ , she thinks, over, and over, and over again. She would write it on the sky. She would add it to the woodsmoke of a hunter’s funeral. _Thank you._

When she had told Sam to do what he needed to with the rings--she admitted to herself this was a possibility, but….

There was a difference between that hypothetical and actually living--well not living--but living, in a world where it had happened.

It is beautiful and yet painful. She does--she feels it. It’s distant and doesn’t really stick.

She hovers close to Sam, keeping a steady stream of closeness and love flowing to him.

Then she says it. _I see the ring._

There’s a pause--Sam seems a little shaken.

 _Thank you_ , she says again, with a gentle brush of static electricity. _Thank you._


	5. Chapter 5

Sam swallows hard, and grief plastered over with as much hope as he can muster floods the bond to her. “You...were...I don’t know, in training, maybe,” he says. “It was quiet.”

Jess’ laughter cascades through everything. _Meetings. They’re angry up there. Sometimes, anyway. I don’t care._

Sam smiles. _Never thought you would. God, Jess. I love you._

_I know you do, babe. And your family’s right here._

Sam nods. _It is. I feel… Dean feels…_ He sneaks a look over at his brother furtively.

 _Family means feeling secure, Sam_ , she says quietly. _When it’s the right one. A_ safe _one_.

 _You had that growing up_ , Sam says quietly back.

_I did. Sort of. You know. As much as one can, on earth. I’m not exactly writing letters home. I guess I should._

_Tell them you’re okay, Jess._

Jess laughs again, but there’s a little bit of loss in it. _Sam, not everyone can deal with what’s in the dark. I was assigned to you for a reason._

_What reason, Jess?_

The connection gets hazy. Nebulous. She doesn’t know how to explain. It would be hard. And maybe a little unfair.

 _Love. Balance. Other things._ , she tries.

_Wish I could hold you. I mean really…_

She brushes close again and he shivers.

He smiles sadly. _Hi._

_Sam? Do you have any regrets?_

_You mean other than...lose...losing you? No._

_You didn’t lose me._

_No._ Sam sighs. _It’s different, though, Jess_.

 _It’s different_ , she concedes. _Breathe, Sam. I gotcha._

*~*~*

Dean is jarred a little bit in what he’s doing. Jessica pushes a little and the bond is humming when she knows it was quiet enough for him to ignore until a few moments ago. She can have private conversations with either of them, although often she doesn’t have to. Still. The ring… That was worth discussing one on one.

 _Dean, Sam needs you now, please. Help him_ , Jessica asks. _He needs…._

Dean moves without further clarification. “Hey, Sasquatch,” he says, in the new tone that says, _we’re going to use our voices for a reason_. “Hey. Hey. Hey.”

Sam gestures vaguely. “It’s Jess, I…”

Dean nods. “Okay, Sam,” he murmurs. “I know it hurts.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Sam says, but his voice is shaky, a little bit thick.

“Know you wouldn’t, Sam,” Dean says, still speaking in soft tones. 

“But it’s going to hurt anyway,” they say together in unison, the truth of it reverberating down the bond.

Sam sighs. Then he clears his throat. “I love her.”

“More than the stars, the moon, I know.”

Sam smiles. “Hey, you’re pretty smart, Dean.”

“I have a cheat sheet.”

Jess smiles a little as Dean tries to emphasize the gruffness in his voice as he says, “Hey Sam, don’t take this the wrong way but...you know I’d…”

“Yeah, Dean?”

“I’d...you know, all that stars and moon stuff….”

Sam grins, though it’s a little shaky on his face. “Yeah, Dean. I do.”


	6. Chapter 6

They’re in a bar. It’s fifty fifty if they’re going to try to hustle tonight or drink, and they exchange a look and Sam flips a coin.

No hustle.

“Bar’s yours, Dean,” Sam says. He’s a little bit tired, his smile worn around the edges, but Jess feels the warmth he feels for his brother pulsing along everything. Every word.

Dean orders a whiskey without much preamble.

Like a hundred times already, maybe more.

But he’s distracted, and it could be that he’s watching for the shifting colors of an aura.

He shakes his head, leaving some cash on the bar.

“Hey, Sammy, can we get back to the car?” he asks.

“Yeah, sure, Dean, what’s up?”

Dean clears his throat and looks away. 

“Dean?”

“I...uh…” He pauses. “Hey. Have that whiskey on me, Sam, I’m just gonna….”

The wall of grief that emanates from Dean would be enough to knock Jess over, if she could feel those type of feelings deeply enough these days. Sam looks like he’s been punched in the gut.

“Sammy, I just need to, uh…”

“Yeah, Dean, you do what you need to do.”

And Dean doesn’t speak in words when he floods love down the line to Sam.

He walks out to the Impala and basically crumples against the door. “Jess….”

She could have been expecting it, sort of does, and yet when she realizes the grief isn’t about Dean’s father… or years without Sam, it hits her fresh.

“Jess, I didn’t mean to let--let you go, let this happen to you.”

 _Get in the car, Dean, you’ll be better in there, we can put some music on._ Pragmatic, though she isn’t feeling pragmatic, not right now. Also pragmatic is the knowledge that Dean could never have stopped anything from happening--Dean or Sam. But that doesn’t help anything right now either.

That wall of feelings--it was--it was--

“Jess…” he says again, fumbles with the keys, gets in the driver’s side and...dissolves.

When he recovers a little he says, “I don’t deserve it, but don’t leave, okay? Please don’t.”

And she won’t. She wouldn’t dream of it. Job description or no.

She doesn’t use words, just floods the line with love and forms an energetic cushion around him. He breathes in once, then deeper, recognizing what she’s doing.

He needs rest and she hopes he will.

She gently starts to sing, words that just come gently into her own mind. _You kept fear of death in the back pocket of your jeans, in the palm of your hand, affection. It came like a sudden gust of wind…_

Behind her, soft music plays to accompany her somewhat spontaneous singing and she realizes it is joint work--with the angel. The angel Castiel.

She draws back just slightly and offers the angel a smile.

“Please don’t leave,” Dean says, exhaustion in every word.

_Not leaving._

“We’ll figure something out, Jess. We will. Won’t we?”

Jess smiles and sends the energy his way. _I guess we will, Dean. Sleep now, sweetheart._

“Come closer.”

She does. And as she wraps him in her essence he closes his eyes again. His breath hitches a few times and a few tears fall, but he sinks deeper and then sleeps.

When Sam leaves the bar shortly after, he knows Dean is sleeping in the car. He gets in as quietly as he can, but not before getting a checkered flannel blanket out of the trunk for Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics Jess "finds" and sings are from Vienna Teng, Say Uncle


	7. Chapter 7

Later that night, Dean is sleeping soundly in the Impala. Sam is nodding off beside him with his arm sort of dangling in Dean's general direction, almost like he'd have taken his hand if he hadn't fallen asleep in the middle of the action. Just like he wants to hold on to Dean, but he is so tired.

Jessica watches, and as she watches, she feels the presence of the angel--Castiel--come closer. 

In the way she so often envelopes the boys, this presence, a white light of almost-but-not-quite-male, almost-but-not-quite human energy envelopes her.

It’s so...neutral.

And yet, he has provided a place for her to--to rest.

They hover this way, timeless and waiting.

When she feels replenished, though she had no idea how long has passed, she knows she is alright.

Her heart has been heavy for a time, she isn't sure how long, with the knowledge of their grief. Not just Sam's, but Dean's as well, buried under so many things though it was. 

Dean has become skilled at burying grief, letting it steal away little pieces of his heart one moment at a time.

But she was able to find it. And it had made her feel heavy. 

And now Castiel is gently healing it. Healing her.

When he drew away slightly, though only slightly, the presence still there but a little dimmer, he asked her, _Would you like more? I--_

And then he demonstrates.

He is asking her--

\--does she want to act as a funnel, a conduit. Even more than she already was.

_I--um. Castiel. I wouldn't want Dean to..._

She is at a loss for human words for a moment.

 _To become confused_ , he offers in his typical neutral manner.

_Yes._

_I see._

_Maybe if I could explain--_

_There are many things that Dean must not know. Not yet._ , Castiel said. _He may feel them...but...for him to know...of the... no. Not at this time._.

Something is making Jessica a little bit... Worried was too strong of a word. But she doesn’t like when it’s clear she has to keep events of the spirit realm away from her family.

She sighs. _I see. Well. Thank you, Castiel_ , she says, not exactly tired, but experiencing a vague unsurprise.

 _I send him my love and appreciation once more_ , Castiel says. If a sheen of energy could shrug, it would be happening now. _It simply is not time, and perhaps... well, it is not time._

So many things were that way....

She decides she’ll make the best of it, and appreciate what has been given. _Thank you for what you do, Castiel. You have a beautiful soul._

_Ah. Yes and no, perhaps. You are welcome, Jessica._

And then he is gone.

*~*~*

Jessica returns her attention to the Impala. She watches Sam sleep, now draped protectively over Dean in their sleep, and she smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is drafted but hit a snag. In the meantime you can have this playlist if you want it, for part 2. It's in progress also, so it's short.
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/user/121274586/playlist/2RNrKGKcOrzWks5Z7jAvk9


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning they all know Dean rested, but he’s worn down all the same.

“Thanks, Sammy,” he says, raspy and quiet. “For the blanket.”

“No problem, Dean. We can get you some time in a real bed.”

“I…”

“Dean. Come on. You need it, man.”

Dean’s hackles are up, and Jess...just...sends a tiny peek to Sam of what happened last night, nothing private, but some of the basics.

Guilt.

Grief.

“Dean…” Sam says softly. “Hey, if you don’t get rest you might…”

“Might what, Sammy? Fly off the handle?” Dean growls.

“No, Dean. Get sick. Get a headache. The colors could come back out of control. I don’t know. This is....new. You should treat yourself okay. You should treat yourself--better. A little better.”

Sam flashes on times he’s eaten a salad while Dean wolfed down burgers, because Dean isn’t afraid, not really, of disappearing.

Jessica takes it in like a deep breath she holds, smoky and miserable in lungs she doesn’t have.

“Sammy, I…”

 _Rest, Dean, please_ , Jessica says. _You can never get enough, not in the life you have._

They find somewhere to stop.

Dean isn’t talking to either of them. He asks both of them to--just--stop--even as his heart is pounding and his chest is aching.

Jess thinks about her conversation with Castiel and worries just slightly this could be about Dean sensing…

...secrets. Or something. Something close to that.

_Dean. Breathe._

He turns in the general direction she’s usually in and glowers. Opens his mouth but doesn’t say anything.

He sits heavily on the bed.

Then flops down on it and closes his eyes, clothes still on, jacket still on, boots still on.

Jess nudges Sam gently through the doorway between them, though it’s usually open, and he takes care of the boots.

Dean hates it so very much, but he needs to rest. 

And he does fall asleep, with Jess hovering gently over the both of them, while she privately mulls over what she knows now.

Angels are watching over him, but she won’t say a word, she can’t, she’s decided.

She knows now isn’t time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Dean sort of dodges a bullet. Trust me, I wrote it both ways. lol.


	9. Chapter 9

“I’m not mad, Jess,” Dean says. The two of them are in the Impala while Sam is paying for the gas inside.

 _What?_ Seriously, she thinks. What?

”I mean, I was sort of mad. I was--I get--upset. Listen, I can tell stuff. You’re nervous. And I know you’ve got, you know, secret whammy stuff you aren’t allowed to tell us.” 

_Uh, Dean?_

“Well, you do, don’t you?” 

She pulls back, and her feelings come into sharp relief. Yeah. She _is_ nervous. 

“I’m not like Sam, Jess. I can pick it all up just fine, but I don’t wanna know everything. Not your kind of everything. Do you understand? I figure I’ll figure some of that out when I’m dead. But not before, okay?” 

She is a bit surprised, even with how much time she’s spent deliberately getting to know Dean. Is he actually basically saying she should hide stuff? 

“You know. The need to know stuff. That’s what I want. Especially with…” He trails off, and he doesn’t start talking again. Sam is walking back toward the car, and he’s actually carrying, a Devil Dog they can see because he’s waving it in Dean’s direction in a demonstrative way. 

Sam knows what it means that Jess’ death has finally hit Dean. They both do. They all do. 

So if Sam has to trade in Devil Dogs for a little while even when he wants an excuse for real food--well--that’s the way it’s gotta be. 

Jess keeps her distance a bit. There’s more they could say but maybe not right now. 

“Huh?” Sam asks, as he opens the car door, as if they’re mid-conversation. Then he stops himself. “I, uh, got you this.” 

“Thanks,” Dean says, meaning it but adding extra cheer that says, evade, evade, evade, abort abort, abort. “You get anything?” 

“Granola bar.” 

“You and your granola bars, Sammy. You gonna turn into one of those? Is that gonna be how I find you one day?” 

“You mean like Kafka?” 

“Huh?” 

Sam smiles a little. “Nah, Dean. You won’t find a giant granola bar in my bed.” 

“Good. That would be a lot of crumbs.” 

“Dean, you’re seriously weird.” 

“Takes one to know one, College Boy.” 

Jess’ laughter filters through their minds. Dean can probably hear the relief in it, but if he does he doesn’t say anything. 

*~*~* 

Not for a while, anyway. 

“Jess…” he whispers one night when he’s been startled awake and Sam is sleeping hard. “Can I ask you something weird?” 

She’s there. She’s always there. It’s not like she needs to sleep, or even rest. 

“Is it weird,” Dean starts to ask, “No, it’s weird, so just tell me it’s weird.” 

_Tell you what’s weird, Dean?_

“Um…” She can feel him considering something. “I don’t wanna wake Sam,” he says out loud, but inside, through the bond, she hears a quieter voice that says soft and quick, _Is-it-weird-if-I-really-like-you?_

_Dean?_

“I just...um…” He shrugs. She can feel the bemused smile on his face even in the dark. She would be able to see it at any light level. “I think it’s easy to talk to you,” he says, “Which is _totally_ weird, and you can….well I was gonna say...tell me to go away, but I don’t know if you can. But…” He sighs. “Listen, since that’s true, it’s just, I wouldn’t lie to you. You know. Like when we met Cassie for that one weekend? You know how I didn’t lie to her?” 

_Yeah, Dean._

“Yeah, well, so, same thing. Well, not same thing, because I mean, you’re dead, and you’re Sammy’s girl, and I… but I promise. I like you and it’s not fake or anything like that. You know you’re family, right? Don’t you?” 

Bemusement floods the line. _Yeah, Dean. I do. I promise, I do._

“Good ‘cause…” Dean sighs. He reaches out, and touches the air near her. “It’s just, I mean it. I really mean it. I want you to know it. And you know. Understand it. But that’s the thing.” 

_It is? What thing, Dean?_

“I think you understand me, Jess. And it’s weird, but it’s good. So I promise I won’t _fuck_ it up, okay?” 

Jess smiles. And she pushes the smile outward, so Dean can feel it on the air the way she knows when he’s smiling. 

_Okay, Dean. I trust you._

“I trust you too,” he whispers, “I… Yeah, Jess. I trust you. I trust you a lot.” 

_Dean_ she whispers back. _Thank you. That means a lot to me._

Embarrassment floods through the line. “Yeah. Well. Um. I… I can’t, um…” 

_Sssh, Dean, it’s okay. Can you try to get some rest now?_

“I don’t know.”

But before he can go into a downward spiral of anxiety, the flood of light that is Castiel appears nearby, or makes himself visible, and he gently turns Dean’s attention to the music--of the spheres, of heaven, whatever someone would want to call it. 

_Sleep, Dean_ , she says gently. 

And he does. 

Her heart fills to the brim with love for him, for Sam, for both of them. 

And she knows he’s going to be okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Working on this instead of either the work projects I have or a challenge fic (that honestly is in pretty good shape for right now, but still). Because y'all they've totally stolen my heart and I'm trying to "be good" but seriously!
> 
> After this chapter there's some Reaper Family Business type stuff and then we mostly get back to the "A plot" for lack of a better term, which is Sam's. This is season 2 on the timeline, after all. But I hope this chapter makes your heart go like it makes mine go.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, listen, I don't know how this is a thing, but some stuff happened in season 13 that "Kripke'd" me or whatever, so I was trying to figure out how to handle it, and now although this is season 2 fic (this section), it is season 13 compliant. So there are _very light_ S13 spoilers in this. I made both things fit in the SPN universe, so in a strange way this is now S13 canon compliant. Partly. I can't promise this won't be discussed in comments, either. It's a very small spoiler.

At the next meeting of Reapers Anonymous, well, they give Jessica a wide berth. There are awkward smiles, at least, but really, she knows in her heart they’re glad she’s dealing with the Winchesters so they don’t have to.

People were sort of weird that way about Sam at school, especially some of his roommates.

Sam’s nice, is the thing, and everyone knows he means to be nice and he’s learned how to put that face on. But there was always something under it that telegraphed in the way he moved, or how his stories went or didn’t go.

He tried not to talk to that many people and lots of people tried not to talk to Sam.

Dean talks to Sam. Sometimes. About the things on the surface, anyway.

There’s something they aren’t telling her in the meeting, really, until they do.

“There was another Reaper named Jessica,” Castiel says. “She...was...perhaps ill suited. According to what the others have said, of course. A little…” Cas trails off. “I believe it is known that she left the case,” he reveals. “While you are here is there anything you need?”

“She left my boys?” Jessica asks him, incredulous.

“Well, she...was a little bit… She felt over-taxed. With them on her caseload.”

Jessica laughs a little, bitter. “You know, Sam thought I would be too. Even in the end. I’m not.”

“It’s quite clear you’re not,” Castiel says, neutral but gentle.

“Thank you, Castiel, for telling me.”

“I send my love to the Winchesters,” Castiel says in response.

Jessica leaves with a smile, though Castiel is usually close at hand. 

It wouldn’t be the right thing to say to Dean but it doesn’t mean angels aren’t watching over him and Sam.

*~*~*

She blips back in to what the boys are doing just as they are discussing her.

“It should be us taking care of--” Dean stops himself. “I mean, taking care of family, Jess, I--”  
He stops himself, and she feels a lightning bolt of mental anguish from him. Still blaming himself. And… ”We should be…”

Sam shakes his head a little. “Dean. Come on, man, she’s all right. She’s… Like a cosmic being. I think she’s _being_ taken care of, and… I think she’s alright, Dean.” Sam pauses. “I mean, really, ask her. Don’t you think if you make some kind of plan for Jess, you should ask her how she feels about it?”

Dean sighs. “I know she is. I know she’s okay. _Listen_ , Jess, Sammy, I know. It’s not like I don’t know. I just… I want to help.”

Sam gives him a soft look that he probably doesn’t see that way. It pings down the bond as a vague _stop it Sam_.

“Okay. You win. Not my job. Right? Right?” Dean asks, knowing it’s rhetorical. “Just…”

“Sort of not your job, Dean,” Sam agrees. “Look, we’re not responsible for cosmic upkeep.”

“Okay. Fine. I guess. I mean, we’re hunters--it’s--” Dean sighs. “Fine. So what about you, Sammy? Are you okay? Are you really okay?”

“I mean, it isn’t easy, Dean. None of this is easy. But I…”

“Sorry, Sam, I shouldn’t….poke the bear. Sorry.”

Sam’s eyes mist over a little and he clears his throat. “Yeah, um, when you…” But he shrugs. “I um...have the ring.”

So we just...let it...be this way?”

“Dean, what are you suggesting we do? I mean…”

Dean shrugs. “Dunno. Just. She died, Sammy. On our...watch.”

“She’s family, Dean, of course you should _care_ , but we’ll be alright. All of us. We’re--”

And then...Sam just blips out of existence.

Out of the car.

 _Dean?_ , Sam calls, but from far away.

 _Sam? What the fuck just happened?_ Dean calls.

_I don’t know--_

Dean has _had enough_.

Jess feels him _push_ hard on the bond and look for Sam.

 _Bell tower_ , Dean says. _Sam, are you really near a bell tower?_

_Yeah, Dean. It’s--I’m alone. I see it. The bell tower. Wait. You see it too?_

_Yeah, Sam. Of course. Look, I’ll call Bobby. You stay safe. Stay right there. There’s...there’s something going on._

_It feels weird here, Dean, like--_

_What do you see? The colors. What do you see?_

_It’s like death._


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter took a while. I'm in the middle of two fandom challenges and of course it is the holidays and it's getting to be winter here. I'm hibernating aw bit but I'm hoping to get the next chapter out quicker than this one.

Jess doesn’t really know what to do instantaneously. In the end, there’s no real instruction manual for what she does do. 

In the first instant she wonders if she can do it, whether doing it is going to cause a problem. Jess Moore or Formerly Jess Moore, causing a rip in the time space continuum, right?

In the next instant she just knows--she’s not going to leave Dean, but she is going to go to Sam, and it will just work.

_Dean. I’m not going anywhere. But I’ve got this. You’ve got this. Call Bobby. Then drive this way._

“What are you, Lojack?”

_Ha ha, Dean. Come on. Bobby’s going to want to know._

And she was right. They both knew she would be. That was the way things were with a cosmic being following behind everywhere.

All Dean had to say was, “There’s a bell tower.” He could hear Bobby deflate a little and then he said, “Cold Oak,” and then, “I’ll meet you there, Dean. Don’t go in the ghost town alone.”

Ghost town? Was Dean really going to be afraid of a ghost town?

He looked over in the general direction where Jess would be and she let out a nervous chuckle.

 

They hadn’t really broke the news to Bobby about Jess. What had happened at the moment of her death seemed like hers to tell, and, well….

“Jess,” Dean called after he hung up the phone, “Sam… You should be with Sam. Can you go to Sam?” 

It was his turn to be overwhelmed for a second. She watched all the color drain from his face. “Are you trapped?” _And-if-you-are-is-it-my-fault?_

_No, Dean. I’m with him. Just keep driving._

*~*~* 

The first person she sees other than Sam when she splits herself in two is Andy Gallagher. 

He’s standing in the middle of the clearing, and he has that innocent Gallagher look, nothing like his brother, but Jess knows better. 

For one thing, the clearing is soaked in blood. Maybe Sam or Dean wouldn’t be able to see it, but Jess can. It’s an old blood, some of it, old as this town is. But Jess can see where the newer blood is, and she knows Andy Gallagher has shed his brother’s own here in this place. 

He tries to look small and unassuming when his eyes meet Sam’s. 

Next comes Ava, advancing from a small wooden structure. 

Sam barely remembers their names. He’s had so much to deal with in his new life. But Jess knows who they are without them having to say a word. She can hear the names that they are called where she is, words and tones all bright and hot with light and so she’s never mixed up anyone Sam and Dean have met on a hunt. 

_Andy and Ava_ , Jess sends to Sam. _Someone Lily’s here too. And Jake._ Jess translates the names from light-sound to words with letters. _They’re_ \--

Sam can feel it. He remembers them not by name but by the touch of their energy. 

They’re like him. And maybe like Dean. But mostly like him. 

“Hey. Hey, hey,” he says, a pulse of gratitude for Jess’ presence registering faintly. “What are we doing here?” he asks Andy and Ava. 

He’s always been the talker.

_Sam. Be careful. Dean’s coming. Just be careful._

There’s a lot Jess can guess about what might be about to happen, but she’s not supposed to interfere, not really, not yet. 


	12. Chapter 12

Bobby and Dean bust through the trees. Bobby is brandishing an antique gun, the gun of legend that Sam and Dean have both felt a distinct feeling that they don’t want to touch it. They haven’t wanted hunter drama, not since finding a way they might have been able to use to heal.

Now with Bobby in this clearing, with Sam pulling blink-and-you’d-miss-him disappearing acts, it’s not clear if they’ll be able to avoid all of this forever.

But they can definitely try. Try to have their own lives. Try to heal.

“ _Sam!_ ,” Dean screams, a primal scream that’s enough to remind everyone who’s met him that Dean Winchester will not leave her without his brother no matter what else happens. Even Ava steps back, even as she’s ready to slam Dean to the ground with the force of her power.

From deep in the woods comes Jake, someone who wasn’t in the clearing at all. He’s behind Bobby, as if he knew somehow that the older man would be bringing something he’d need.

Jess sees her chance.

She may be a reaper, but no one is going to die today. Not a Winchester, not Bobby Singer.

She can see the threads and she knows how this is supposed to go.

She lets her own blast of energy shoot out, and before Jake can make a grab at Bobby’s gun it’s knocked out of his grasp and goes skittering across the clearing.

Jess feels the darkness part. The darkness of the clearing that she realizes has been made all the darker by the presence of Lucifer’s Own. His brother and prince, Azazel.

 _Sam. Sam, the gun!_ Jess shouts down the line, and Sam scrambles and grabs for it.

No one is going to shoot Sam Winchester today. Jess has made sure.

The darkness of Azazel swoops down, lacking form, and swallows up Jake. Death, no, but some kind of retribution for failing in one simple mission, Jess supposes, that is what’s most likely for Jake now.

Jess makes herself as visible as she can, blonde hair streaming in a sea of white light. Ava continues to step back, the darkness of her power being lifted away from her.

Lily falls to her feet, crying softly. The electricity all around her dissipates.

Andy clutches at his head, the words of Ansem almost loud enough to be heard by the naked ear. It’s all gonna be okay. If you killed me or not.

Andy takes off running into the forest, suddenly alone with a new madness.

“No one is going to harm my boys,” Jessica says.

It’s the first time Sam’s heard her voice with his ears in almost two years.

And it’s intoxicating.

The others are scattering, the individual darknesses in their hearts no match for Jess.

“No one dies here today.”

His eyes meet Dean’s.

Dean can barely look away from Jess, but he does, for Sam.

They’re both quietly stunned. There’s a subtle shift in the air that they can feel, aware in a dim way of just how much has changed.

Neither of them speak. But as they walk back to the Impala, it’s Sam who’s providing the mental cushion to gently prop Dean up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of Book 2, Family Is.
> 
> If you liked this, make sure you've read Definition of Hearts that covers season 1. Book 3 will start asap.

**Author's Note:**

> NOW COMPLETE. Book 3 underway.


End file.
